i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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