you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
