Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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