Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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