I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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