Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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