Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
