we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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