yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
