hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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