ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
