even my farts smell like vagina
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
