just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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