Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
