just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
