I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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