Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
