He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
