Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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