and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
