I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
