You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i drank out of a bidet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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