she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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