I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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