No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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