dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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