It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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