Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
