I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
