He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
