maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
