i jhust puked up my retainher.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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