I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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