allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
