do herpes really smell.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
