So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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