You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
