so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
