so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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