Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
