Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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