Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
did i walk over a car last night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
