saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
