You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
