What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
