$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
