I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
