Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
