Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
