he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
